Lipgloss & Law Schoollife, love, lipgloss and law school

Dear God,

Touché.

Faithfully,
Jessie

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I keep thinking that I should start a Project 365 today. Funny, since I haven’t blogged in months, that I want to begin a project that requires blogging for a straight year. I figure I’ll sleep on it, see how I feel tomorrow. If the urge is still there… maybe. I’m sure it would be good for me to vent. This is going to be a hell of a semester.

I’ve been saying it all day, but seriously, this is going to be my year. I will conquer the LSAT. I will be accepted into my first choice law school. I will improve my GPA. I will. This is my future, this my dream. There is no choice. I won’t stop fighting. Further, I will help Chris beat the snot out of this cancer. We will grow stronger and closer. We will not let this slow us down.

Let’ do this bitches. I’m ready to go!

I am an extremely detail oriented person. I feel most comfortable when I have many, many lovely descriptive, qualitative, quantifying details. Except when they pertain to the scenery and are excruciatingly boring (Here’s looking at you, J. Conrad!) For example, if you tell me that you need a ball, I would most likely want need to know:

• What size?
• What color?
• How hard or soft?
• For what purpose?
• Generic or name brand?

Along with any other information you may be able to give me, of course.

As such, I am a terrible test-taker. Despite my best attempts, I typically read more into an answer choice than I should. If the answer is not blatantly obvious, I am prone to completely over-analyzing and second-guessing. Recently, after spending nearly 3 hours on an at-home exam for a Sociology class, I was devastated to find out that I did not do as well as I had hoped.

Thing is, in this instance, it wasn’t me! I strongly felt that quite a few of the questions had confusing or questionable answer choices. I could have argued your socks off re: why some of the questions I missed were misleading or plain wrong! Though I desperately wanted to respectfully confront the professor about her (CRAP!) question and answer bank, I decided against it. Toward the end of November, there is a 100 point project and presentation. I do not want to bias her against me.

Well, today I received an e-mail that was sent out to the class re: that very exam! Turns out, quite a few students felt the same way and actually confronted her about it. In response, she (rightfully) credited those who missed the questions. It bumped my grade from a B to an A.

I feel so vindicated!

Today, I took my first exam for Juvenile Delinquency. I feel pretty good about it but not amazing. I think this feeling stems much from the fact that I would much rather be cautiously hopeful. It hurts much less to expect a “B” and be either confirmed or happily surprised than expect an “A” and be terribly disappointed.

I’m trying to learn how to work through my anxieties. I hold myself to a much stricter standard than I do anyone else. The kicker? No one around me is pushing me to be better. The only person that isn’t proud of me is me. I know this, but I have trouble changing it.

I’m in that weird place right now when there’s a missed emotional or mental connection somewhere that’s creating a kind of void. & I’m constantly searching for “things” to fill it. I keep searching for something new or better that will “change” the way I feel. e.g. I want a dog. (Completely unfeasible for many reasons.) I want to get my lip pierced. (I’m prone to hypertrophic scarring – it’s not worth it.) I want to go shopping! (I have no money to blow, and I don’t need anything new.)

I know that nothing physical will make me feel differently. I need to figure out what’s bothering me and either address it or make lifestyle changes. Easier said than done, unfortch.

There are certain beauty rituals that I cannot stand yet I endure.

• Shaving: I typically use Veet since it prolongs the results. I hate doing it! I hate the nasty smell, the waiting, the fear that this time it’s going to eat the skin off my legs…
• Washing hair: I don’t mind actually washing/conditioning, but I hate the feeling of wet hair! I can’t blow-dry my hair because no matter the product it will fuzz up like nobody’s business.
• Taking off eye make-up: I love to put it on, but I hate taking the time to wipe it off. I nearly always manage to get remover in my eyes which either stings or makes my vision blurry. Plus, I hate the inevitable residue left over.
• Cleansing my face: I’m quite sure why I dislike it so much! I like having clear, clean skin. I think it’s mostly that I always end up splashing water everywhere.
• Painting toenails: I’m not super flexible, and let’s face it: a little chubby. Painting my toes always involves twisting and huffing to get the right position. It’s not a pleasant experience. I love freshly painted toes, though!

I need to do makeup more often! I feel so pretty today. I’ve been super lazy about it.

Lately, I’ve been loving:

Foundation: MAC Face & Body in N1

Eye Shadow: Cream shadows! Unfortch, I’ve only had good luck with high(er) end cream shadows a la Stila and Benefit.

Lip gloss: Rimmel Royal Gloss w/ Vitamins

Nothing else is noteworthy at the moment. There’s so much that I’m lusting after, though! It’s silly because I have plenty to play with, but there’s always something.

I’ve been too lazy to blog, but I need to get back into it. Maybe later!

For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, times still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

I told Subway to kiss off!

I’m super happy about it, too. I walked out during a shift because I was so pissed. I did leave my uniform and a nice “sorry, but I can’t do this, good luck!” note, though. As luck would have it, soon after I got home I got a call from Target about a cashier position. Score!

I interviewed this morning, and I was offered the position. I am beyond relieved. When I walked out on Subway, I knew I was taking a giant risk because I needed the (well, a) job. Unfortunately, though, I also need my sanity.

It’s strange… It’s almost like it was meant to be! My alarm didn’t ring this morning, but I was woken up by what sounded like a knock on the door precisely 25 minutes before I had to leave. & my interview was at 9:35 this morning, and my car radio was set to 93.5 WKHY. I was a bit worried since the song playing was, “You want it all but you can’t have it. It’s in your face but you can’ grab it…” Maybe it was more like a reality check kind of sign?

I also picked up an SK blender sponge while I was at Target. It’s supposed to be a pretty good Beauty Blender dupe, but I’ve heard that they start to crumble after too many washings. We shall see!